Meeting the Future
by zombieapocolypse696
Summary: Namikaze Minato was a genius. Everyone knew this. So when he said he had found a way for them to find out the future, they believed him with minimal doubt. That was how our favourite fishcake(MAELSTROM!) and his wife ended up in the past. T for mention of killing all Uchihas
1. Chapter 1

**Do not own Naruto**

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><p>A room full of powerful shinobi stared incredulously at their leader as he cackled like a madman over a piece of paper. His brush moved smoothly on the paper, drawing lines and swirls that only two people in the room had a chance in hell of understanding.<p>

One of them was a tall man with white hair, Jiraiya, though he was currently occupied leering at a woman's breasts. The other, Uzumaki Kushina, was busy kicking the ass of said man for looking at her.

"Done!" their blonde Hokage suddenly shouted, silencing all of the small conversations throughout the room.

"Will you tell us why we are here now, Hokage-sama," Uchiha Fugaku demanded. Uchiha's do not ask. Ever. It is below them.

"Yeah Minato," Kushina whined to her husband, "I could b eating ramen right now." Ah, of course, the holy food of the Uzumaki.

"There's a scroll full of ramen next to your chair, Kushina," he placated expertly, he knew her so well. "But this is really important so I had to call a meeting."

"And what would that be, Minato?" Hyuuga Hiashi asked his old genin teammate, poking his twin Hizashi from where he was sleeping in the next seat.

Minato grinned sunnily and simply said, "Time Travel."

"..."

His genin team, seated in a corner of the room, rolled their eyes in unison.

"..."

"..."

The room was silent as all of the shinobi tried to digest that information. "Well," Inuzuka Tsume announced from her seat, "the Hokage's lost it."

Before the rest of the room could turn against him Minato continued on. "You all know that my Hiraishin is a space-time jutsu, right? Well if you take out the part that equates speed, and the part that, crudely speaking, rips a hole in space, as well as the part that transports you to another destination, you're basically left with a useless piece of paper that could potentially rip a hole in the universe. But if you add a summoning implement, as well as place a time frame of longer than a few seconds, you can theoretically summon someone from the future to appear here for a certain amount of time."

The room was silent again, but this time in excitement instead of trepidation for the sanity of their leader. "This is troublesome," Nara Shikaku mumbled from where he was slouched over in his seat. "Just summon someone from the future already do we can get this over with already." The lazy attitude was just a cover for his impatience to know the future and everyone knew it. Nara's have to keep up appearances though.

"Okay, so the way this works is that you pour some of you blood onto the seal and it will find the closest match for it in the future." Minato explained. "Meaning that you are basically summoning your future self from the indicated time frame, in this case, thirty years. If you are dead, it will bring in one of your children or your closest relative. The seal can only handle three tries though, and we have to go all at once. Once the quota has been filled the seal will stop working and I'll have to redraw the entire thing if we want to go again. Now, obviously I will be going first as I made it and am the Hokage, so decide who the other two people will be."

He sat back with a smirk on his face to watch the clan heads bicker like chickens.

* * *

><p>Two hours, four fistfights, and twelve unconscious ANBU(they tried to break it up, the idiots) later, and Fugaku stood next to Hiashi in front of the Hokage.<p>

"Let's do this." The three cut their palms and let them bleed onto the paper. "Kushina honey, could you pump some chakra into this please? The best I could manage would be enough for about ten minutes before I pass out. If you put about a quarter of yours in, it should last for about an hour."

Kushina grumbled about being chakra battery but did as requested. The seal glowed and everyone leaned forward in anticipation. Smoke erupted from the seal. After a moment it cleared to reveal…..

…..two people. A blonde man and a blue haired woman.

What?

* * *

><p>The two in the middle of the circle of clan heads blinked. Blinked again."Hinata." the man, who must have been Minato by his looks, said to the woman next to him. "Are we in a genjutsu?"<p>

"No."

"So there are really a bunch of dead people here?"

"Yes."

"Oh…." and then he started screaming.

"HOLY RAMEN LORD THERE ARE FUCKING GHOSTS! OH KAMI! OH KAMI! OH SWEET RAMEN LOVING KAMI!"

"MINATO WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kushia yelled at her husband from the future. Though she has to say, his fashion sense has improved. He was wearing the same Hokage coat as he was now, only orange instead of red. It was beautiful. And those whiskers on his cheeks were cute, and he was swearing to ramen(finally he acknowledged it as a higher being!), and he for some reason had her face….

Oh. Not her husband. Her child. Holy shit they had a good-looking kid. And he came with Hiashi's daughter, she was a looker. And was calming her son down by the looks of it, telling him that they had chakra and ghosts wouldn't. Kushina decided it was time for a peace offering. So….

She held out a ramen cup. Naruto stared at it. His eyes glittered. He reached his hand out to take it. But Hinata stopped him. "Are you crazy, Naruto-kun?!" she screeched, drawing the attention of the room. "You do not take food from somebody when we don't know where we are we've been over this!"

"But Hinata!" he whined. "It's ramen!" As if that explained everything. Which in the minds of two people in the room, it did.

"And the last time you took ramen from a stranger you ended up being made part of the Daimyo's harem."

"Oh yeah. Who knew that the rumors about him liking men were true?"

"Everyone. But still. No ramen."

"But-"

"It's either ramen or sex Naruto-kun. Choose one." He immediately dropped his hand and moved to the other side of Hinata, away from temptation.

"I'm sorry my sweet," he whispered mournfully.

Minato cleared his throat, hiding his amusement and gaining their attention "Actually, I summoned you here from the future using a modified Hirishin seal. You are now thirty years in the past. Welcome. I am Namikaze Minato, Yondaime Hokage. You are?"

After getting over their shock the introduced themselves. "Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, dattebayo!" he introduced with a face-splitting grin.

"Namikaze-Uzumaki-Hyuuga Hinata, Yondaime-sama," she said with a soft smile and a bow.

"You don't seem to be very surprised," Minato observed.

"We've seen worse," they chorused.

"Yes, yes, this is all very fascinating," Fugaku sneered in that condescending Uchiha way, "But what I want to know is why, if not myself, are none of my children or relatives here."

The couple stared at him for a moment, before "AHHH IT'S AN UCHIHA!" and "KILL IT KILL IT!" echoed around the chamber. It ended with Hinata hiding behind her husband, mumbling "kill it kill it kill it" under her breath, while Naruto stood protectively in front of her with a kunai pointed at the Uchiha clan head.

Nobody moved. Nobody dared to breathe. They just watched in shock.

"Naruto put that kunai away," Kushina demanded. When Naruto hesitated she pressed. "NOW. Listen to your mother." He dropped it to his side, and put it back in his pouch. "What was that about?"

Naruto decided to explain in his own not-helpful-at-all way, "All Uchiha's not named Itachi or Shisui need to be drowned." Which really explained the entire situation to everybody in the room. Note the heavy use of sarcasm.

"I don't really like them either," Tsunade said from the Senju seat, "but I think that's going a little bit far."

"Urusai, baa-chan," Naruto gouched. He ended up face first in the floor a second later by the slug princess's fist. His wife stood next to him with an amused expression on her face. Tsunade decided she liked her.

Hinata decided to explain more fully than her husband. "Uchiha Shisui was one of the bravest men Konoha has ever seen, sacrificing his eyes and his life so that the bandage bastard, as my husband calls him, wouldn't be able to get a hold of them. And Uchiha Itachi….is arguably the greatest hero our village has ever had the honor of knowing. He followed an order even though it destroyed his soul for him to do so, and had to flee as a nuke-nin with the knowledge that he was acting on orders, that Konoha as a whole was screaming for his death, and that his brother had such a deep hatred for him that it consumed everything that he was"

Silence, until: "What the hell is that supposed to mean," one Hatake Kakashi growled from his corner of the room. Naruto's head snapped up from the floor at the sound of that voice. It was higher than he remembered, and less care free, but it was still-

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Half a second later the room was treated to the sight of a twenty-five year old Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto hanging off of his future, now twelve year old sensei. Who was so much shorter than him it made for a hilarious picture, not to mention the downright murderous look on kid Kakashi's face.

"Get off of me you freak!"

Hinata blinked in shock at the pre-teen violently dislodging her husband from his person. "Are you sure that's Kakashi-sensei?" she asked unsurely. "I could never imagine him acting like that."

"Oh yeah," Naruto assured her, "he told me and Sakura-chan that he use to be a real prick before Obito died."

Minato reared back in shock. One of his precious genin died?

"And what do I act like in the future," Kakashi asked, morbidly curious as to how the death of the worthless dobe could affect him.

"Your a pervert." Naruto started.

"You always have your porn book out."Hinata picked up.

"In public."

"Around children."

"Late for everything."

"By at least a good three hours."

"Everyone knew that if they wanted you to be on time for anything, to tell you a time at least three hours early."

"You were a horrible teacher."

"You'd just sit up in a tree giggling at your book."

"My genin team and I were convinced you were a pedophile."

"Really?"

"Well he did use that finger trick on me during our exams."

"Ah true."

"You played favourites."

"Like major favourites."

"You would have gladly dumped Sakura and I to just train the teme."

"Which is pretty much what you did, just without telling us beforehand."

Kakashi looked like he had been slapped with a fish. Obito looked like he was about to die from laughter. Rin was in denial that her crush could be anything like that. And Minato….well he was trying to fight own a smile imagining hs student could be anything other than a little prick.

"There is no way in hell I would act like that." Kakashi growled when he finally regained control of his brain.

"Oh, but you did," Naruto said with a bit too much glee at crushing his dreams.

"I would never play favourites!"

"That one was obvious to anyone with eyes," Naruto commented softly. "You taught Sasuke an A-rank assassination jutsu when he was a genin. Worse, you knew he was unstable, but you still pushed that he was just like you when you were a genin. About a month after you taught it to him, he attempted to kill me with it after I chased after him, to tell him not to defect from the village. He put a hole through my lung, about an inch from my heart, and walked away a nuke-nin."

Kakashi looked decidedly sick.

"Well damn," Tsume said bluntly, "he sounds batshit insane."

Naruto looked at her for a moment before making a connection. "Hey Hinata, look! It's Kiba's mom!"

"You're right. Hello Tsume oba-san."

"Uh….hey. So I have a kid?"

"Yeah, you have two. Hana is four years older than Kiba. In fact," he turned to look around the room, " I think all of you do."

"Really," Shikaku drawled lazily.

"Yeah, and you act just like Shikamaru. Your Hokage and that beautiful redhead who knows the importance of ramen are my parents. Shibi has Shino, he's cool. Inoichi hs Ino, she was a bit loud in Academy, but she's alright now she's married Choji, Choza's kid. Hiashi has Hinata, my beautiful wife, and then Hanabi, his brother Hizashi has Neji, who's a year older than us and a bit of an asshole. And Fugaku," he snarls the name like it physically pains him, "sires Itachi and Sasuke, the greatest hero and the worst traitor the Leaf has ever seen, respectively."

"What about me?"Kakashi asked. "Thirty years in the future I'll be forty-two so I think I'd have children."

"You have two kids," Hinata answered after it was clear that her husband wanted to make him sweat some more. "Sakumo, who's eight, and Shiori, who's four. Your wife Shizune is pregnant with your third child, and last according to her. Though that's what she said after Shiori too."

"Will you two stop catering to the whis of these fools and answer my question," Fugaku snarled, tired of being ignored.

Naruto turned to him with an unimpressed look. "Itachi slaughter everyone in your clan, except his brother Sasuke, who goes off the deep end, kills him ten years later, and is killed by me not four months after that for attempting to murder Sakura, my head medic. We have a festival every year on the day of the Uchiha massacre to celebrate. It replaced the Kyuubi festival once it was discovered that the attack was a farce."

Kushina's eyes flicker to the clock on the wall while Fugaku has his mini-aneurysm. "You've got about ten minutes left, Naruto."

"Thanks, Kaa-chan."

"Wait," Hizashi interjects. "Is the caged bird seal ever removed from the branch family?"

Naruto narrows his eyes. "Yes, it was." He turned to his wife. "Hinata, am I the only one who finds it weird that he hasn't mentioned fate even once?"

Hinata shrugged. "I wouldn't know, he died when I was three remember. Though I always did imagine him speaking the same as nii-san."

"Fate….?" Hizashi whispered questioningly to his twin. Apparently Hinata has mother-hearing(meaning she can hear everything. Even your thoughts) though, as she somehow heard it.

"Neji nii-san was obsessed with the idea of fate, and that nobody could escape the path that destiny had set out for them. This continued from when he was four and you died, all the way to when he was thirteen and Naruto-kun kicked his ass for trying to kill me."

Hizashi paused for a second, before stating clearly, "That is highly disturbing."

Both Naruto and Hinata shuddered. "There are worse things."

"Like green jumpsuits."

"And bowl-cuts."

"And caterpillars disguised as eyebrows."

"And genjutsu sunsets."

"_NEVER LOOK WHEN YOU HEAR TWO MEN CRYING ABOUT YOUTH!"_

With those last words of wisdom, they vanished back to the future.

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><p>"Hey Hinata?" Naruto asked his wife when they reappeared in their bedroom, from which they were taken an hour ago.<p>

"Yes Naruto-kun?"

"Do you think we should have told them about the war?"

"...they'll figure it out."

Eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

**Still do not own Naruto**

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><p>"Hey guys guess what!" Naruto yells as he draws near his friends. They spare him a glance before going back to what they were doing before: getting drunk off their asses. A rather noble cause, if they do say so themselves.<p>

"Pay attention to me," the blonde Hokage whines, sounding like a five year old.

"Troublesome. Act your age, not your intelligence, Naruto." (**You know who said that. If you say Shino get off my fanfiction**)

The gathered shinobi, aided heavily by the alcohol, laughed like it was the funniest thing since that time Ino shaved off Lee's eyebrows. His face just looked…..bare without them, like the Hokage mountain without the faces of dead people on it. Yet another example of the genius the inebriated mind is capable of.

"But guyyyyyyyyyyyyys!"

"Shut up or you won't get any sex tonight Naruto-kun."

"Fine." Naruto pouts, and has been downgraded to four year old.

"Why do you always use that threat, Hinata?" Sakura asks curiously.

"Because it always works."

"Hmmm…" Tenten thinks for a minute. "Neji(**Yes, Neji is alive, because I **_**like **_**Neji**), when we get home give Hisana a bath." Nobody ever wants to do that, because everyone knows that Tenten and Neji's daughter has spent too much time around her godfather Naruto, and has adopted some of his energy. They just thank god they didn't give that title to Lee…..

"Yeah no way is that happening." Neji states bluntly.

"Do it or no sex for a month."

Neji looks like he's about to argue, but thinks better of it. You just can't fight a female, you always lose. "Yes, dear."

"Holy shit I can't believe that worked." Ino breathed. "Choji, what would you do if I refused to put out?"

"Cry," he answers without a second of hesitation.

Ino sees Temari casting contemplative glances at her husband and decides to nip that in the bud. "It would never work for Shikamaru though. He's too lazy for that to be any kind of threat. It would be too much work."

Shikamaru gives her a weird look. "Anybody who thinks sex is work is doing it wrong." Everyone stares at him in shock. He actually gets off his ass for something?

"Why is this the topic all of our drunken conversations come to?" Naruto grumbles into the beer he lifted off a passing chunin. Who said the Hokage had to have morals?

"Because we are adults in the prime of our lives." Sakura said in a matter-of-fact voice.

"Because we are horny as all fuck." Kiba deadpans.

"For Ramen-sama's sake will you shut up! This is supposed to be a kid-friendly fanfiction!"

Silence.

Siiiiiilence.

The silence is deafening.

Asound like breaking glass. The fourth wall crumbles to reveal a sixteen-year-old girl with dirty blonde hair in sweatpants and a spiderman t-shirt. Pay no attention to the girl behind the wall. It is an illusion.

"Naruto," Hinata says in a threatening voice, shadows falling over her eyes. "I am going to castrate you!" she screams jumping up and running after her husband who had the sense to flee the second he saw her face.

"Now dickless really will be dickless." Sai states in a decidedly pleased manner.

Twenty minutes later they came back, Hinata sporting a new pair of earrings. Just kidding she wants kids in the future. She sewed them back on after she ripped them off.

"Hey isn't the fourth wall still broken?" Choji points out. All heads turn to where you can still see the writer. She waves as she eats Cheeto's.

"Naruto go fix it." And he knows better than to argue with his wife.

(**Please wait a few moments while Naruto reassembles the fourth wall with duct tape**

**and superglue.**)

"Okay," Naruto sits down at the table and they pretend that nothing happened. Because nothing did. "So who wants to hear what happened now?"

The assembled shinobi just shrugged, they had nothing better to do anyway. And so Naruto enthusiastically launches into an explanation of this morning's events.

* * *

><p>The table was silent as everyone digested the words of their Hokage. After a couple seconds they decided they'd seenheard stranger things, especially when Naruto was involved, and decided he was telling the truth and to roll with it.

Sakura slouched down in her seat with a pout and whined petulantly, "I want to defy the laws of reality too." Naruto just smirked at her in smug satisfaction. Not everyone could be as awesome as him. Hinata looked at him threateningly and raised a spoon she had somehow materialized out of thin air, glaring at the spot between his legs. _And Hinata_, he added mentally. _Not everyone can be as awesome as me and Hinata._ Her glare lifted and she smiled angelically at him, while he shivered in fear. She could read minds, he swore it.

And yeah, so he was scared of his wife, he would be stupid not to be. If men are smart they fear the fairer sex, especially after marriage, as they now own you and don't have to be nice anymore.

(Thirty years in the past Namikaze Minato twitched from where he was sitting, held at swordpoint by his wife, who was trying to encourage(read: threaten) him into redrawing the seal faster. Across the room, Nara Shikaku actually woke up, a feeling of foreboding filling his body. He realizes he forgot to tell Yoshino he wouldn't be home for dinner, and started praying for his soul.

In contrast, Kushina and Yoshino started to preen for no apparent reason whatsoever, feeling somehow accomplished.)

"Stop whining, forehead," Ino grunted through a mouthful of potato chips she filched from Choji. Alcohol gives her the munchies. "I mean what are the chances that it would happen again to anyone other than Naruto. He's the one that all the interesting shit happens to."

"Yeah." Kiba grumbles miserably. "It's so unfair. I wanna have dangerous adventures too!"

"Not all of them are dangerous," Naruto protests. They all turn disbelieving eyes on him.

"Then what do you call that time in Wave when we were genin?" Sakura asks.

"Bad luck. Besides you were there too, so it wasn't just me." Wisely, nobody brings up the teme.

"And that time when your actress turned out to be a princess?" Shikamaru drawls, shockingly contributing to the conversation.

"Again, Sakura was there too. And I think baa-chan knew, but wanted to get me out of her hair for a few weeks." They all conceded to that point, it was very possible.

"That mission in Kusa, with the geisha and the bear cub that thought you were it's mommy?" Ino.

"Animals are weird, and how the hell was I supposed to realize that the geisha was both male and an assassin?"

"Taki. Where you believed the kid that was telling you there were trolls under the bridge, and it turned out there were." Neji.

"Those shinobi were assholes with a fetish for scaring children….and bridges apparently."

"That time that you took ramen from a toothless old man in Oni and ended up-" Tenten was cut off by a kunai impaling itself into the table centimetres from her hand.

"Why does everybody want to bring this up today!?" Naruto screamed to the heavens, imploring to the great and powerful Ramen-sama to answer him. Ignoring the weird looks he was getting from the other patrons of the bar. They should be used to random yelling. They lives in a village with Maito Gai and his clone Rock Lee. Shudder.

"Because it's-" Shikamaru ended mid-sentence as he and the other two components of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio poofed away in a cloud of ninja smoke.

"...awww." Sakura pouted. "Not me."


End file.
